Islamic Marriage Articles, - Sex Roles in Muslim Families in the U.S. 2

Continution:
-
The modern industrial culture upset the past norm of family life and
greatly changed the purposes of marriage. New opportunities of
material gain were opened to married and unmarried. Women making them
eco- nomically independent from their husbands and male providers. The
women's emancipation movement accordingly declared that there was no
more reason for tolerating subjugation to the male and cultivated the
eccentric tendencies against the traditional functioning and sex-roles
in the family. "The woman's new freedom has greatly increased sexual
opportunity outside marriage, supported by contraception and
abortion." The main purpose of marriage has become to satiate the
desires of the couple, or what the libs call to achieve individual
fulfillment and to ascertain the spouse's identity. The new concept
has become tantamount to fulfilling the "desire of each other's need
for individual happiness" and "the development of man-woman
relationship." This, according to them, would lead to giving the wife
the same status as the husband without differentiation or
discrimination. Thus, a new concept of marriage rooted in the family
had to be developed, and four substitutes are being practiced in modem
societies:
1. Serial monogamy, where a series of marriages take place one after
the other. This is what prevails in the United States at present where
divorce occurs in 40% of marriages and where 75% of the divorced
remarry. There are some modernists who suggest the "bypass of divorce
by requiring renewal or cancellation of all marriage contracts at
three year intervals."
2. Open marriage, where the exclusivity of husband-wife (sexually and
otherwise) is eliminated. Those who advocate this category of marriage
practice "wife swapping" or "swinging." They claim that extramarital
experiences would reduce jealousy, relieve tensions and ease the
pressures of personal conflict.
3. Polygamy and group marriage, where an association of husbands and
wives and their children mix together without restriction or
constraint. The claim here is that multiplicity of parenthood for
adults and children would offer a wider variety of interactive
experiences in meeting individual needs.
4. Homosexuality, where women "marry" women and men "marry" men
without the usual conflict which is inevitable in every new normal
marriage.
All such approaches can never succeed in creating a happy family
because they ignore the biological and the spiritual elements. Humans
cannot survive without a society and no society can survive without
the family. As individuals, "to live is to love and to love is to
live," as Havelock Ellis puts it. Serial monogamy, open marriage,
group marriage and homosexuality lack the premodial basics of the
family. Humans are the only species where the offspring needs parental
catering for a relatively long period after birth, not only physically
but emotionally as well.
The new frustrated efforts, as reflected in the modern abnormal family
life do not unite man and woman in a bond where both enjoy material
and emotional security, stability and contentment. They do not cure
the ailments created by the prevailing technological culture:
alienation, loneliness, anomie, lack of love, and anxiety. "Search any
average human being and you soon find evidence of heart-hunger for
closeness and intimacy and the shared life as the only dependable
sources of a sustained sense of self-esteem and of personal worth."
The women's emancipation movement in this country is revolting against
long-standing inequitable treatment, against a biased, unjust legal
system and a domineering economic exploitation. In their revolt, and
in the absence of any effective religious or moral guidance, women
have gone to the extreme which has brought down on them the misery of
"civilized prostitution and adultery."
Such are the circumstances of the culture under which a Muslim family
lives in this country. It would be a gross mistake to assume that
Muslims will not be affected by the American way of life, the American
materialistic values and American laws. Hence, the complex of problems
of Muslim families start. If we add to the above anomalies the
problems arising from the educational systems and its repercussions on
the youngsters and adults, we could better understand the vast
dimension of the Muslim dilemma. An example of this confusion is the
so-to-speak highly educated Muslim wife who believes that it is her
legitimate right to invite any male friend into the home, even in the
absence of her husband, to accept an invitation in another city or
another country without his permission, or the right to choose hard
work in a locality other than where he lives. It is not a rare case to
come across a Muslim woman who believes that she has the right to work
as she has spent long years qualifying herself in a certain
profession. In most cases, she would be motivated by her desire to
material gain, especially when she can have some fulfillment out of
the social activities in her professional domain. Such wives are
deeply influenced by the American materialistic mentality and would
claim the best of two worlds: to keep her job and to claim her Islamic
right to be sustained by her husband.
The problems of children born in Muslim families are well known to all
and have been repeatedly discussed by Muslim sociologists and thinkers
in numerous conventions and symposia. They revolve on the cold fact
that the American environment and culture affect the Muslim child's
mentality and code of ethical values. When both parents are working,
the child does not get enough care and domestic orientation to protect
him against anti-Islamic practices. More serious a menace is the loss
of the child's Islamic identity and his relatedness to a Muslim
community. But these children's problems are mainly derived from the
principal family problems which, if solved, would automatically bring
relief to the chil- dren's ordeal.
THE ISLAMIC SOLUTION- BIOLOGY AND SOCIALIZATION
There is nothing more compatible with human nature than Islamic
teachings and injunctions, if only because they take the individual as
a fallible being, subject to trial and error and subject to correction
and evolution."On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it
can bear."(2:286)
It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it
earns. As we are concerned here with the Muslim family, it is natural
that whatever solution we may suggest, it must be in accordance with
Islam. Luckily enough, Islam decides upon every issue, taking human
nature in consideration and exhorting us to abide by the eternal laws
of creation.
Empirical sciences have discovered many facts concerning our
biological structure and physiological functioning, but there are
still many more of life's secrets to be uncovered. There is not one
single established scientific fact that runs contrary to any Islamic
injunction; but there are many postulates, ideas and theories that may
be incompatible with Islamic teachings. Under such uncertain
conditions, the Muslim is supposed to follow the Islamic rules
irrespective of the scientific dubious points of view and his personal
desires.
Regarding the traditions and cultures that affect our socialization,
we must bear in mind that these are the product of certain practiced
ideals and established ideas prevailing at one time in a certain
society. This is an extremely important element in the Islamic
syndrome of solutions to societal problems. Islam is a philosophy that
defines the purpose of human life, the relation between man, nature,
and the Creator. It is a doctrine that sets up the broad outlines of
the social, political, economic and esthetic systems which should be
applied in our daily transactions and intercourse. Such philosophical
definitions and doctrinal delineations are confined to the basic facts
which do not evolve or change in accordance with the continuous human
evolution. Facts are absolute and are not subject to change, otherwise
they are neither facts nor absolute.
Whatever solutions we find in Islam, they are based on such absolute
facts whether known to our contemporary scientists or unknown to them.
The entire concept of the family and roles of its members is a part of
the general concept of the Islamic society. Let us bear in mind that
marriage is dictated by our biological needs and is a part of the
indispensable human society and not just a matter of individual
option."And of everything we have created pairs."(51:49).
The word 'zawj' is used in the Quran as meaning a pair or a mate. Both
words connote marriage."Do they not look at the earth, how many pairs
of noble things we have produced therein?"(31:10). Even in Paradise,
the Quran informs us that we shall have mates (see 2:25, 4:57). Allah
created humans from one soul, which could be the first cell. From this
soul He created the male and the female. The story of creating Eve
(the first female) from a rib of Adam (the first male) is not
mentioned in the Quran."And among His signs is this, that He created
for you mates from yourselves that ye may find rest (and peace) in
them."(30:2 1)."O mankind, heed (in reverence) your Lord Who created
you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from them
both spread a multitude of men and women."(4:1).
Our Prophet orders us to get married as soon as we can. The family is
the nucleus of the Islamic society and marriage is the only way to
bring about such an institution. Extra-marital relations are
categorically condemned and prohibited."Nor come nigh to adultery (or
fornication) for it is a shameful deed and an evil, opening the road
to other evils."(17:30).
It is only logical that Islam set up the rules to regulate the
functioning of the family whereby both spouses can find peace, love,
security and relatedness. The elements are necessary to accomplish the
greatest purpose of marriage: the worship of Allah. By worship it is
not only meant the performance of rituals, but it essentially implies
righteousness in all transactional behavior. Every good deed, every
service to humanity, every useful productive effort, and even every
good word are a part of a true Muslim worship of his Allah. If both
husband and wife observe this main purpose, this cardinal purpose of
their union, they would easily learn how to help each other achieve
this goal which is greater than themselves. They would learn how to
tolerate each other, how to love Allah in themselves and in other
beings, and how to overcome their difficulties and their shortcomings.
The second purpose of marriage is to respond to the basic biological
instinct of procreation. Children are the realization of motherhood
and fatherhood. Islam is particular in providing the most possible
wholesome atmosphere for bringing up the offspring. To give birth to
children and neglect them is a crime towards society, the children,
and the parents themselves. The child who is deprived of the ample
love of his or her parents, who is not properly tutored at an early
age, and who is left to babysitters and nurseries will develop many
anti-social behavioral patterns and may end up with crime, perversion
and corruption. Such a child may never find his or her identity as he
or she could have felt it in a systematic manner during his or her
childhood. Without a family life, governed by Islamic order and
discipline, how can we expect a child to have the Muslim conscience
and the Islamic value of righteousness.
Islam prescribes clear rights and obligations on parents and their
descendent Parents are legally responsible for the education and
maintenance of their children. These, by turn, are legally responsible
for accommodating and maintaining their parents, if they so require,
in their old age. Both parents and children inherit from each other
according to a prescribed and accurate law of inheritance specified in
the Quran. Neither of them can deprive the other of their respective
shares in the legacy. This is only part of the long family code in
Islam. What is of import here is the husband-wife relationship-their
sex roles-within the context of Islamic comprehension:"And among His
Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,
that you may find rest (and peace) in them. And He has put love and
mercy between your (hearts); Verily in this are signs for those who
reflect."(30:21).
Despite the importance of these moral values: rest, peace, love and
mercy, Islam did not stop there. It bolstered its original concept of
the family by defining the roles of man and woman in such a manner
that each should act in accordance with his or her biological merits.
The man, with his aggression, is charged with what is called the
instrumental functions: maintenance, protection, dealings with the
outworldly matters and leadership within the family. The woman is
entrusted with caring for and rearing the children, organizing the
home, and creating the loving atmosphere inside. Let us be clear from
the beginning that in an Islamic society the wife is not expected to
be pushed to work to gain money. Even the unmarried, the divorcee, and
the widow are guaranteed, by law, an income that helps them lead a
reasonably comfortable life. Work or trade are not prohibited to
women. Yet, they are not recommended to undertake such activities
unless there is a justification for them and without prejudice to
their husband's rights. Once the woman gets married, she accepts the
Islamic ruling on the functioning of the family. Her role becomes
mainly to achieve the welfare of her household and to look after the
internal family affairs. If she wants to work, she is bound to ask the
explicit approval of her husband. However, if she has her own property
or fortune, and if she opts to run or invest such wealth, she is
entitled to do so without her husband's permission, but provided this
does not infringe upon her marital obligations.
THE ISLAMIC FAMILY
In Islam, as in biology, there is no family without marriage, and
there is no marriage without rules and discipline. The family in Islam
is a unit in which two independent persons unite and share life
together. The husband's dignity is an integral part of his wife's
dignity. Accordingly, neither of them is better than the other. To
unite and share, there must be mutual love and compassion-a genuine
feeling which unless translated into action and behavior would be mere
illusion and futile emotion. One can hardly accept the claim of love
of the spouse who does not care for his or her sick partner or who
does not share the family responsibilities.
This fundamental basis, if well understood and observed, makes the
first loyalty of both spouses to their family which is supposed to
serve Allah in piety as the main purpose of marriage. It implies that
they act as if they were one person with many organs. The head of the
human is not better than the heart, and the hand is not better than
the foot. If the man is charged with the duty of leadership and
maintenance, he is not better than the woman who is assigned the duty
of keeping the household, even if the first duty is more difficult and
perhaps more significant. Imam Muhammad Abduh emphasizes this point as
vital for the right understanding of the sex roles of spouses. He adds
that the Quranic verse,"And in no wise covet those things in which
Allah hath bestowed His gifts more freely on some of you than on
others; to men is allotted what they earn, and to women what they
earn"(4:32) does not imply that every man is better than every woman
or vice versa. According to him, each sex, in general, has some
preferential advantage over the other, though men have a degree over
women.
There has been much controversy about this 'degree'. Some interpret it
as the delegation of leadership, surveillance and maintenance which
are bestowed on men. Others say that it is the tolerance with which
men must treat their wives. A third view is that it is men's natural
gift for judging matters and managing external problems. However, the
consensus is that this 'degree' comprises the principle of
'guardianship' or 'qiwamah'.
Imam Abduh in the course of interpreting the preceding Quranic verse,
stated that qiwamah or guardianship has four elements: protection,
surveillance, custody and maintenance. Dr. Abd al-Ati considered the
element of obedience over and above the aforementioned four elements-
the most important indication of qiwamah. Obedience, to him, and in
accordance to the Quran and Traditions comprises the following:
1.She must not receive male, strangers or accept gifts from them
without his permission. Nor must she lend or dispose of any of his
possessions without his approval,
2.The husband has the legal right to restrict her freedom of movement
and prevent her from leaving her home without his permission. She must
comply with this right unless there is a necessity or legitimate
advantage for her to do otherwise. However, it is his religious
obligation to be compassionate so as to relax his right to restrict
her freedom of movement. If there arises a conflict between this right
of his and wife's parents' right to visit and be visited by their
daughter, his right prevails.
Yet it is religiously recommended that he be considerate enough to
waive his right and avoid estrangement within his conjugal family or
between any member of this family and close relatives, e.g. the wife's
parents.
3.A refractory wife has no legal right to object to the husband's
exercise of his disciplining authority. Islamic law, in common with
most other systems of law, recognizes the husband's right to
discipline his wife for disobedience.
4.The wife may not legally object to the husband's right to take
another wife or to exercise his right of divorce. The marital contract
establishes her implicit consent to these rights. However, if she
wishes to restrict his freedom in this regard or to have similar
rights, she is legally allowed to do so. She may stipulate in the
marital agreement that she too, will have the right to divorce, or
that she will keep the marriage bond only so long as she remains the
only wife; should he take a second wife, the first will have the right
to seek a divorce in accordance with the marriage agreement.
5.Finally, if the husband insists on patrilocality or neolocality, the
wife Must Comply."
CONCLUSION
The problems facing Muslim families living in the States can be dealt
with in compliance with Islamic teachings and principles once we
accept them as binding. If the spouses are really devout, they will
have no difficulty in encountering the evils of the Western culture
and in escaping the anti-Islamic societal factors that may run
contrary to Islam. The guidelines as we see them would be:
1.The main purpose of marriage is to live in piety and to serve the
Islamic Cause. The wife has the right to discontinue working whenever
she pleases. The husband may allow the wife to work with the condition
that her gain belongs to the family and not be considered as her
personal property.
2.Household: When the wife is not employed, the household becomes her
first occupation. By household it is meant the rearing of the children
and all domestic services required for maintaining a clean and
comfortable habitation. The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Cleanliness is a
part of faith." Motherhood is highly appraised in Islam and is the
most elated value second to the worship of Allah.
MARRIAGE, DISPUTES AND DIVORCE
Marriage:Muslims should marry according to Islamic traditions and
rules. The marriage will have to be registered with the State in which
they wed in order to give it a legal force. This legal procedure
subjects the marriage contract to the jurisdiction of American laws
which, in most cases, contradict many Islamic rulings. However, such
contradiction does not happen unless there is a dispute that both
spouses fail to solve in accordance with the Shariah.
Disputes:These are expected to arise in all matrimonial relations.
Muslim abiding spouses must learn how to compromise and tolerate each
other. Their guide is the teaching of their religion and their good
example is their Prophet. However, in case they fail to solve their
own problems, they have to resort to arbitration. The spouse who
refuses this Quranic injunction or who defies the other partner taking
shelter under the umbrella of American laws is failing in his or her
religious commitment. The Quranic arbitration is meant to be binding
on both spouses and would, indeed, relieve the Muslim family of most
of its problems.
Divorce:If one to the spouses refuses arbitration, non-Islamic divorce
is bound to take place, leaving a deep painful scar on both of them.
Arbitration may end in divorce, but in this case it would be least
harmful as both would feel more content when Shariah is justly
applied.
It is a pity that many recalcitrant (nashiz) Muslim women think that
American law would serve their interest more than the Islamic Law.
This is not only wrong but the consequences of litigation generally
leaves more ill feeling than should be.
ENVIRONMENT AND CHILDREN
Nobody can deny the impact of environment upon adults and children. Up
until now, one can safely say that Muslims of America could not
constitute any physical or moral community comparable to that of the
Jews or the Chinese. Granted that there are some groupings in
scattered localities and spiritual guidance from different sources,
yet there is no community that could respond to many basic needs. The
family must live in a society, and unless an Islamic community is
created, the Muslim family will have no alternative but to merge in a
non-Muslim one.
The danger is so imminent that it forms the major part of the family
problems in the United States. Both adults and children are influenced
by American values and traditions, and by American behavior and
manners. There is no escape from this "assimilation" except by
strengthening the family bonds and by steadfast observation of Islamic
teachings. The husband must lead here by strict adherence to Islamic
ways of life and by requiring the same from his wife.
Such are the sex-roles in Islam and the main problems facing Muslim
families in the United States and, indeed, in all non-Muslim
countries. The solutions mentioned above entirely depend upon the
faith of the spouses and their earnest desire to live up to their
religion. Allah, according to the Holy Quran, has made men in charge
of their wives, has ordered them to maintain and protect them and has
ordered women to obey their husbands and guard their secrets (see
4:34, 35). As for those spouses who claim the right to twist the
meanings of Quranic texts so as to suit their personal desires, and
those who try to subject Islam to non-Islamic laws are sick in their
hearts and are transgressors. Most probably, such persons would not
like to read this essay, though we pray to Allah to guide them to the
right way:"Say: This is my Way: I call on Allah with sure knowledge
and (so does) whosoever follows me - glory be to Allah! and I am not
of the idolaters"(12:108).
NOTES
1. L. Cadmure and L. Larson, "The Center of Life," The New York
Times Book Co., 1977, p. 8.
2. Ibid., p. 9.
3. Ibid., p. 28.
4. Ibid., p. 38.
5. 1. R. Symthies, "Brain Mechanisms and Behavior." New York:
Academic Press, 1970, p. 156.
6. Shirley Weitz, "Sex Roles." New York: Oxford University Press,
1977, p. 7.
7. K. E. Moyer, "Sex Difference in Aggression." Quoted in R. C.
Friedman, R. M. Richart, R. L. Vande Wiele, eds., "Sex Differences in
Behavior," Wile, 1974, p. 156.
8. Weitz, op. cit., p. 42.
9. D. B. Lynn, "The Father: His Role in Child Development,"
Monterey, CA: Brooks Cole, 1974, pp. 14-21.
10. Weitz, op. cit., p. 42.
1 1. M. A. Diamond, "A Critical Evaluation of the Ontogeny of
Human Sexual Behavior," Quarterly Review of Biology, 50 (1965), pp.
147-175.
12. Weitz, op. cit., p. 5.
13. Cadmure, op. cit., p. 8.
14. Ibid., p. 39.
15. Hammudah Abd al-Ati, "The Family Structure in Islam." Indiana:
American Trust Publications, 1977, p. 19.
16. Ibid., pp. 54-55.
17. Lately a few states have allowed married women to use their
maiden names.
18. R. H. Williams (ed). To Live and To Die. "Marriage: Whence and
Whither," NY- Springer-Verlad, 1973, p. 298.
19. Ibid., p. 299.
20. Ibid., p. 304.
21. Tafsir al-Manar, vol. 5, p. 68 ff.
22. Abd al-Ati, op. cit., pp. 172-173. These rights and obligations are
corroborated by the Quran and Hadith.

Marital Life, - Criteria for Choosing a Spouse

Religion
Among the many criteria in selecting a life partner, the foremost is
religion. Islam has established the importance of choosing a religious
wife for it is faith which protects a woman from committing anything
that is prohibited. A religious woman always keeps away from whatever
enrages Allaah The Almighty or dishonors her husband. On the other
hand, a corrupt woman, particularly one who takes extreme pride in her
beauty and wealth, does not adhere to the teachings of Islam and is
certainly prone to the devil's insinuations, who may trick her into
not adequately safeguarding her chastity or honor. Hence, Islam urges
men to prefer the religious woman and be meticulous in their search
for her in every Muslim household.
The Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, pointed out the decisive
factors on which basis people choose a wife and guided us to what the
best is in that regard, when he said:"A woman is married for four
things: her wealth, her noble ancestry, her beauty and her religion.
So win the religious woman; )otherwise( you will be a
loser."]Al-Bukhaari[ This stresses that if we overlook the religious
aspect and pursue only attractiveness, riches or noble lineage, we
would lose out, indicating we did not aim high enough.
The Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, even commanded us,
saying:"Do not marry women for their good looks, as their beauty might
destroy them; and do not marry them for their wealth as their riches
might lead them to be overbearing. Marry them for their religion; and
a black and unattractive maid who is religious, is better ]than them
both[."]Ibn Maajah[ Islam has not set a criterion that decides a
beauty queen, for even all men have not collectively agreed on the
beauty of a single woman. It has, however, stated that beauty in a
wife is indeed in the eye of her beholder husband. Hence, one must not
merely focus on a woman's looks, affluence or family, at the expense
of religion; indeed, as someone once said, beauty with an evil soul is
like a lantern on a Magi's grave.
However, if a pious woman also possesses good looks, wealth or a noble
lineage, then that is the most preferable, but even in that, religion
must be the decisive factor.
Our righteous predecessors were keen on selecting religious wives,
regardless of their looks and social or financial status. The
Commander of the Believers, 'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be
pleased with him, was once so impressed by the pious daughter of a
woman who was a milk vendor, that he recommended his son 'Aasim, may
Allaah be pleased with him, to marry her. According to reliable
historians, 'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, mentioned that had
he wanted to marry someone himself, it would have been her, as Imaam
Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, narrates:"Ibn Zayd
narrated on the authority of the grandfather of Aslam that he said,
'Once I went with 'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, while he was
on one of his night walks in Madeenah. He felt tired, so he leaned
against a wall and heard a woman telling her daughter to mix the milk
with water before selling it. The daughter told her that 'Umar, the
Commander of the believers, forbade that, but the mother insisted,
saying that she was in a place where 'Umar and his deputy could not
see her. However, the girl said, ']I swear[ by Allaah, I will not obey
him publicly and disobey him secretly.' The Commander of the
Believers, meanwhile, was hearing all this; he then looked at me and
instructed: 'O Aslam, mark this door.'' He continued on in his walk
and in the morning, he called me, and said, "O Aslam! Go to the house
that you marked and find out who the speakers were and see if there is
a man ]in the house[." I went there and discovered that they were an
unmarried girl and her mother, and that they lived together without
anyone else. I returned and told 'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with
him. He called his sons and said to them, "Does any of you need a
wife? Had your father been capable of getting married, he would have
hastened to marry this woman. I wish that one of you would marry her.'
So, 'Aasim said, "O father! As you know, I have no wife, so ]I
believe[ I am more entitled to marry her." 'Umar sent someone to
propose to the milk seller's daughter on behalf of his son and the two
soon married. The young woman gave birth to a daughter who later
married 'Abdul-'Azeez ibn Marawaan; and this girl gave birth to the
fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, 'Umar ibn 'Abdul-'Azeez, may Allaah have
mercy upon him."
Hence, the fruit of this noble marriage was the birth of a Caliph, who
was unprecedented in his justice and asceticism, and in popularity
among his subjects.
As for the particular characteristics of a righteous marriage
prospect, the best of mankind, the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, said, in a Hadeeth on the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah
be pleased with him:"Would you like me to tell you about the best
treasure a man could have? ]She is[ a righteous woman, who pleases him
when he looks at her, preserves his honor when he is away from her and
acts in accordance with what he asks of her."In another Hadeeth on the
authority of Abu Umaamah, may Allaah be pleased with him, the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"The best that benefits a
believer, after ]possessing[ the fear of Allaah The Almighty, is a
pious wife who minds what he bids her, pleases him when he looks at
her, helps him fulfill his oath and protects her chastity and his
property in his absence."]Ibn Maajah[
Such a righteous, religious woman certainly exists. If the father head
of the household is pious himself, his daughters will be chaste and
religious, too.
Morals
The second criterion in selecting a wife, which is closely tied to the
first, is that she must possess good morals. Indeed, a truly religious
woman would have a good character, as her faith would prevent her from
evil in speech, whether through hurtful words or gossip, and actions.
Having good morals is a basic characteristic when in looking for a
wife, as the wise man Luqmaan rightly advised his son:"O son! Seek
refuge with Allaah The Almighty from an immoral woman, as she would
age you before your time. O son! Ask Allaah The Almighty to protect
you from the evil of women and to grant you the best of them. Endeavor
to find a righteous woman, so you can be happy for life."
Virginity
While not a requirement per se, Islam urges a Muslim to marry a virgin
only because men naturally prefer a woman who has never been with
anyone else before. Knowing their nature, the Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, asked Jaabir ibn 'Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased
with him, after his marriage to a non-virgin woman:"Why did you not
marry a virgin who would play with you and you would play with
her?"Jaabir, may Allaah be pleased with him, told the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, that it was only because his
father had died and left his young sisters in his care, and that an
older, mature woman would be more capable of taking care of the house.
There is no doubt that a bride who is a virgin devotes all her love to
the one man who chose her from among countless women; and indeed, the
first love is true love. Also, since a virgin does not have experience
with men, she will devote all her affection to the only man who
married her.
Fertility
Once again, as a matter of a better )and not only( choice, Islam urges
the Muslim to marry fertile women, who are free from any disease that
prevents pregnancy, as may be determined by pre-marital checkups and
through consultation with specialist doctors. Further, if a potential
bride's mother, relatives and married sisters have children, then, it
is most likely that she is genetically predisposed to bearing
offspring, as well.
The Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, forbade Muslims from
celibacy and ordered them to look for fertile women as spouses,
saying:"Marry affectionate and fertile women, as I will be proud of
your great number, among the Prophets on the Day of Judgment."]Abu
Daawood and An-Nasaa'i[ In another instance, a man came to the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, seeking his advice on whether
he should marry a woman who is beautiful but infertile. The
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"No."Then, he came to ask
the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, a second time, and he
forbade him again. After he came a third time, he,sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, said,"Marry the affectionate and fertile women as I shall
outnumber people by you )on the Day of Judgment(."]Abu Daawood and
An-Nasaa'i[
Closeness in culture and age
Homogeneity in marriage, according to Islamic jurisprudence, is in
choosing a wife that is close to the man in age, culture and family
background. This is because due to similar standards, the harmony of
marital life may be maintained in a like-minded couple.
However, scholars have different opinions in this regard; some of them
say that this is necessary, basing their stance on some Hadeeth of the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, such as the one where he
said:"Choose for your semen )i.e., children(; marry suitable people
]to each other[ and get married to suitable partners."]Ibn Maajah[
However, some scholars disagree, saying this cannot stand as proof, as
all Muslims are competent for each other. There are Hadeeths that
support this opinion, such as the one narrated by Al-Bukhaari, may
Allaah have mercy upon him, in which Sahl, may Allaah be pleased with
him, relates that the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallamasked them
about a man that passed by them. The people said:"He is worthy of
being accepted when he proposes for marriage, of his intercession
being given consideration and being listened to when he speaks." After
that, one of the poor Muslims passed by them and the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked them about him, whereupon
they remarked: "He is not worthy of being accepted when he proposes or
intercedes, or of being listened to when he speaks." The
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, then stated:"The latter is
better than many men like the former", apparently on the basis of his
religion and morals.

Marital Life, - A Hidden Treasure: An Insightful and Bashful Wife

Ibn Mas'ood, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,"The most insightful
of people were three persons: the companion of Yoosuf )Joseph(, may
Allaah exalt his mention, when he said to his wife:}Make his residence
comfortable.{]Quran 12:21[;the wife of Moosa )Moses(, may Allaah exalt
his mention, when she said:}O my father, hire him.{]Quran 28:26[;and
Abu Bakr, may Allaah be pleased with him, when he assigned 'Umar, may
Allaah be pleased with him, as his successor."
What made Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, move from Egypt to
Madyan in the south of Palestine to marry the daughter of the
righteous man and to look after his sheep for ten years?
Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, lived in Egypt, and one day while
he was walking down a street, he saw two men fighting each other --
one of them was from his own people, namely the Children of Israel;
and the other belonged to the family of Pharaoh. The Egyptian man
wanted to force the Israeli man to do some work for him. As the latter
sought help from Moosa, he )Moosa(, may Allaah exalt his mention,
pushed the Egyptian man who died on the spot. Allaah The Almighty Says
)what means(:}And he entered the city at a time of inattention by its
people and found therein two men fighting: one from his faction and
one from among his enemy. And the one from his faction called for help
to him against the one from his enemy, so Moosa )Moses( struck him and
]unintentionally[ killed him. ]Moses[ said, "This is from the work of
Satan. Indeed, he is a manifest, misleading enemy."{]Quran 28:15[
On the following day, the Israeli man quarreled with another man and
sought help from Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, once again, who
said to him,"Indeed, you are a persistent deviator."Therefore, the man
from Bani Israa'eel feared him and disclosed the secret by saying,"Do
you intend to kill me as you killed a man yesterday?"Thus, Pharaoh and
his soldiers knew that it was Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, who
had killed the Egyptian man. However, a man came from the farthest end
of the city and warned Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, who left
Egypt immediately and invoked forgiveness from Allaah The Almighty,
saying,}"My Lord, indeed I have wronged myself, so forgive me," and He
forgave him. Indeed, He is The Forgiving, The Merciful.{]Quran 28:16[
Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, left Egypt and moved from one
place to another until he arrived at Madyan in the south of Palestine.
He sat next to a well and saw something that did not appeal to him.
While the shepherds were busy watering their cattle from the well, two
women stood nearby and were prevented from approaching the well with
their sheep, since they were too shy to join the throng of men. Moosa,
may Allaah exalt his mention, was impressed by the scene, for he
thought that the two women should have been allowed to water their
sheep first, given access and helped by the men.
Hence, he went over to the spot and asked them what the matter was,
and they told him that they could not water their sheep until the men
had finished watering their cattle first. They said their father was
so old that he could not water the sheep himself. With the chivalry
that is expected on the part of righteous men, Moosa, may Allaah exalt
his mention, stepped forward and joined the crowd of shepherds to
water the women's sheep for them. Then he moved to seek shelter under
a shady tree and privately addressed his Lord,}"My Lord, indeed I am,
for whatever good You would send down to me, in need."{]Quran 28:24[
The two young women returned to their father, who was amazed at their
speedy return, since they used to stay for a long time to water their
sheep. When he asked them how they had come back so quickly, they told
him the story of the strong man who had watered the sheep for them and
did them that favor without knowing who they were or charging them a
wage for his service; doing so out of chivalry and graciousness.
The father asked one of his daughters to summon that man. Hence, one
of them went to him, walking shyly, to convey to him the invitation of
her father,}Indeed, my father invites you that he may reward you for
having watered for us.{]Quran 28:25[Moosa, may Allaah exalt his
mention, accepted the invitation and when he reached the old man and
narrated his story to him, the old man reassured him by saying,}Fear
not. You have escaped from the wrongdoing people.{]Quran 28:25[
At which time, one of the two young women, driven by her good insight
and sound disposition, proposed to her father something that was
useful for them and for Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, by
saying,}O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is
the strong and the trustworthy.{]Quran 28:26[She and her sister had to
do a tiresome job grazing the sheep, and they sought concealment by
avoiding strange men in pastures and over the well, for women who have
chaste souls are not pleased with gathering with men. Also, Moosa, may
Allaah exalt his mention, was powerful and honest enough to be
qualified to undertake the task. The young woman offered her point of
view with full clarity, fearing nothing, for she was innocent in the
spirit and delicate in her senses.
The old man was convinced of the reasons that his daughter provided
regarding the suitability of Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, to
work for them and to become related to the man through marriage, so he
said to him,}"Indeed, I wish to wed you one of these, my two
daughters, on ]the condition[ that you serve me for eight years; but
if you complete ten, it will be ]as a favor[ from you. And I do not
wish to put you in difficulty. You will find me, if Allaah wills, from
among the righteous." Moosa ]Moses[ said, "That is ]established[
between me and you. Whichever of the two terms I complete, there is no
injustice to me, and Allaah, over what we say, is witness."{]Quran
28:27-28[
When Moosa, may Allaah exalt his mention, fulfilled the term by having
worked ten years for his father-in-law, he wanted to leave to Egypt,
and the old man agreed to that and wished him the best. Hence, he left
with his wife and took with him the sheep that the old man gave him,
and walked from Madyan to Egypt.
Thus, Moosa's wife, may Allaah be pleased with her, was a good example
of a believer who was insightful and bashful and a role model in
choosing an honest and chaste husband.

Marital Life, - Obeying the Husband is the Key to Paradise

The IslamicSharee'ahstresses that the wife is under the obligation of
obeying her husband. This remains unless he commands her to disobey
Allaah The Exalted. She is required to obey him and exert her utmost
effort to fulfill his needs in a way that makes him satisfied and
thankful. This is supported by theHadeethwhere the Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"If the woman performs the five daily prayers,
fasts the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her
husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Lord."Likewise, Allaah The
Exalted Says )what means(:}But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no
means against them.{]Quran 4:34[ Moreover, the Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Were I to order anyone to prostrate himself
before anyone else, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate
herself before her husband."
Obedience is the first right that Islam acknowledges for the husband
over his wife. She is required to obey him in everything unless he
commands her to do an act of disobedience. The Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"No creature should be obeyed when it comes to
disobeying the Creator."
Consequently, she is required to obey him when he commands, fulfill
his request when he orders, abstain when he forbids and respond when
he advises. If he commands her not to allow a certain person, whether
he is a relative or not, aMahramor non-Mahram, to enter his home when
he is absent, she is required to obey him. The Messenger of
Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Indeed, you have a right
over your wives, and your wives have a right over you. As for the
right that you have over them, it is to disallow anyone whom you
dislike to enter your houses."
Obeying the Husband is Equal to Jihaad
There are manySharee'ahtexts indicating the greatness of the husband's
right over his wife. In aHadeethon the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas, may
Allaah be pleased with him, it was mentioned that a woman came to the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and said, "O Messenger of
Allaah, I am a delegate ]from a group of[ women and there are none of
them, whether she knows or does not know that I would come to you,
except she would want me to come to you. Allaah The Almighty is the
Lord of both men and women and their God, and you are the Messenger of
Allaah, for both men and women. Allaah has prescribed Jihaad for men
only; if they are victorious, their reward is great, and if they die
as martyrs, they are alive with their Lord, receiving sustenance. ]For
women[, which act of obedience is equal in reward to this?"The
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:"Obeying
their husbands and )being aware of and( fulfilling their rights; and
few of you do that."]At-Tabaraani and 'Abdul-Raaziq[ Here, the
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, equated the reward
of makingJihaadto that of the wife obeying her husband.
Obedient Wives
The wife who knows her religious duties towards her husband is fully
aware of the importance of obeying her husband. Mrs. Maha Jaabir says,
"In order to provide the family with an atmosphere of security,
protection, stability and affection, the wife is required to obey her
husband in everything that is useful and beneficial. This would help
to create sound humans who would go through life far removed from
disturbances or imbalances. In return, Islam gave the woman her full
right and made it obligatory on the husband to honor his wife,
safeguard her rights and provide an honorable life for her in order to
be obedient and loving."
Mrs. Muna Al-Mu'aththin says,
If it is obligatory on the wife to obey her husband, this is only
because he bears the responsibility and she is subordinate to him. He
is a caretaker of his home and responsible for those who are under his
charge. Moreover, he is supposed to be more insightful and more
open-minded, and to know things that the wife does not know because of
his wide circle of acquaintances and his wide experience that enables
him to see what his wife does not. The wise wife is the one who obeys
her husband, fulfills his commands and responds to his opinions and
advice willingly and sincerely. If she finds something wrong in him,
from her point of view, she exchanges views with him and guides him to
his mistake with leniency, kindness and conviction. Calmness and soft
words work like magic.
The disease of conceit and arrogance may cripple a woman's heart. In
this respect, Mrs. 'Abeer Murshid says, "If such a disease reaches the
heart of the woman, it would be a great disaster. The marital
relationship would be threatened with the most dangerous type of
disputes and quarrels. The man is in charge of the family by virtue of
the role that Allaah The Almighty has granted him. If the wife tries
to change the Creation of Allaah and His norms, this would afflict her
with the most harmful consequences."
Describing the way that she treats her husband, Mrs. Leena Al-Ghadhbaan says,
If my husband calls me to obey Allaah The Exalted and the Messenger of
Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, I respond to his call without
annoyance because this is the way to salvation and forgiveness. If he
asks me to wear decent clothes and adhere toHijaab, I obey his command
because this is the way to attain success and the satisfaction of
Allaah The Almighty. I do not care about the customs of the community
as Allaah The Exalted Says )what means(:}And if you obey most of those
upon the earth, they will mislead you from the Way of Allaah.{]Quran
6:116[ If he asks me to be moderate regarding home expenses, I respond
with my heart and with love and faithfulness. These are the
foundations of marital life that Allaah The Exalted Has established on
affection and mercy. I know that when my husband gets angry at
anything I might have done after advising and directing me, this may
entails the Anger of Allaah The Exalted.
Mrs. Khadeejah Hijaazi says,
One may find obedience a heavy burden; however, the wife is rewarded
according to the extent of her readiness to be obedient and her
sincerity in fulfilling the obligations of such obedience. The
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, praised women and
clarified that the services they perform and the sacrifices they make
in terms of their emotions and energies can be made by no one else.
They were created to perform a sublime and important duty, and in
return Allaah The Exalted Has prepared a great reward for them. This
reward would not be completed except with the wife's obedience to her
husband, satisfying him and avoiding what he dislikes.
Mrs. Hanaa' As-Saalih says, "The man is in charge of the family. He
takes care of it and observes the morals of its members and its
affairs. Hence, all the members of the family are required to obey
him. He is charged with the burdens of the family and working to
provide for it and fulfill its needs. In this way, the family is
organized on the basis that there is a caretaker and a commander, on
one hand, and subjects who listen and obey on the other."
Limits of Obedience
However, the obedience that is obligatory on the wife to her husband
is not blind obedience or obedience without restrictions, conditions
or limits. Rather, it is the obedience of the righteous wife to the
righteous and pious husband whose personality she trusts and believes
in his sincerity and righteousness. Obedience that is based on
consultation and mutual understanding promotes the entity of the
family and its conditions and reinforces its foundations and strength.
The spouses are advised to consult each other with regard to all
family affairs. Indeed, there is no consultant better than a faithful
and truthful wife. She supports her husband, guides him with her
emotions, protects him with her instinct and provides him with her
opinion. The Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, would
consult his wives and follow their opinion in important matters. He
consulted his wife, Umm Salamah, may Allaah be pleased with her, in a
most critical situation. Her consultation and wise opinion were
important in putting an end to that crisis and returning matters to
normality.
Finally, we find that Islam has organized the rights of spouses in
such a way that if each of them perfectly fulfills the other's rights,
he, as well as those around him, will live in a state of happiness.
However, if one of them misuses this right, the marital life will fail
as it is a partnership between the spouses. Islam acknowledges the
rights of the wife over her husband just as it acknowledges the
husband's rights over his wife. Additionally, it has clarified the
duties of each. If both of them follow the instructions and each of
them knows his Islamic rights and duties, the family will live happily
and will be encompassed by tranquility and the mercy of Allaah The
Almighty.

Soul Purification, - Indeed, It Was the First Night in My Life!

I was moving restlessly on my bed that night; I could not sleep as I
was extremely terrified for no obvious reason. It was four in the
morning and I was overwhelmed with fear and everything was dim and
dark in my eyes. I started reciting the Surahs of the Noble Quran that
I had to memorize. I have memorized many of them, yet I have forgotten
most of them as I did not revise them continually. I closed my eyes
and started recalling what I memorize from the verses of the Noble
Quran; I felt a little bit calm, yet fear was still in the air.
Strangely enough, I started seeing my whole life flash before my eyes.
I recalled my childhood, my sins while I was growing up, and the
prayers that I have often, and maybe always, performed lazily.
Moreover, I started remembering my friend and how we used to meet,
play, and have fun together, never thinking of death! I recalled how
my friend left her house one day, but never came back. She passed away
in a car accident! Then, I started thinking of what I would say to the
Angel of death when he comes to claim my soul; am I ready for death?
Am I ready to meet my Lord? Have I done enough good deeds to enter
Paradise? Would I be among the dwellers of Paradise or the residents
of Hellfire? No, I will definitely, be among the inhabitants of
Paradise, Allaah willing, but what did I do to earn that honor? Are my
deeds enough to get me into Paradise? What did I do to be among the
dwellers of Paradise? Would yelling and shouting at my mother get me
into Paradise? Are backbiting and tale-bearing the kind of deeds that
would get me into Paradise? Am I going to be granted Paradise for not
adhering to the due Hijaab or for my impermissible exposure of my
adornments and beauty? Is Paradise the abode of those who watch
impermissible films and listen to immoral songs? I have always felt
shy to let people sit with me while watching such immoral movies and
songs, yet I have never felt bashful of Allaah The Almighty!
I was silent for some seconds, and then continued my monologue. I
started thinking that I was still, certainly, better than many other
impious people. Then,I started recalling those devout young girls whom
I used to meet in the mosque and how each of them was willing to fight
the whole universe and sacrifice her life and not expose a single lock
of her hair before strangers! Who am I compared to them? Have I made
an agreement with Allaah The Exalted to grant me the chance to repent
before death? Have I made an accord with Allaah The Exalted that I
would not die now or tomorrow? Has Allaah The Almighty promised to
forgive me and admit me to Paradise?
Frightened as I was at these moments, I stood up, shaking out of fear
with frozen tears in my eyes. I headed towards the bathroom, preformed
ablution and stood to perform prayers. I was literally shivering and
shaking all over.
Strangely enough, I found myself shedding tears and crying out of fear
for the first time in my life. It was the first time in my life to cry
like that for something other than the usual worldly affairs and
insignificant trivialities. In fact, I used to cry my eyes out for
missing the chance to commit a sin! Moreover, I also used to cry my
heart out when hearing a love song that moves me, yet it is a mere
Satanic whispering. Alas, I have cried for the most trivial reasons,
yet I have never cried while pondering over the Noble Quran, being
moved with the Words of Allaah that He rendered a remedy and mercy for
us!
Indeed, I have gone astray; I have been inattentive, my feelings have
been numbed and I have been swimming against the tide, yet, here I am
sobbing ad crying my heart out, because of fear of Allaah The
Almighty, lamenting and bemoaning my past sins that I committed
carelessly thinking that they were not that grave. Allaah The Exalted
Says )what means(:}…and thought it was insignificant while it was, in
the Sight of Allaah, tremendous."{]Quran 24:15[
What a great difference between those tears!
No one would believe how much I was moved by the meanings of the
verses that I read that night. It was as if I was reciting them for
the first time in my life, although I used to recite them often in my
prayers! I prostrated myself before Allaah The Exalted for a very long
time. I did not feel the passage of time then, yet the only feeling
that was haunting and absorbing me was the sense of humbleness and
grandeur of being in the Presence of Allaah The Almighty, my Lord and
Creator. I kept supplicating, imploring Allaah The Exalted to forgive
my sins and pardon my misdeeds, thanking and praising Him that I
literally felt the grandeur of His presence. I could not believe what
I was saying back then; I was beseeching Him with supplications that I
never knew I had memorized. I felt as if my heart was imploring Allaah
The Exalted! I finished the prayer and then started remembering my
past sins; then, I started contemplating my own body; how do my hands
move? How does my heart throb? How do my eyes, ears and feet function?
Then, I started pondering over everything around me; how can a tiny
seed grow and become a huge tree? I started thinking; where I have
been all those past years? Have I been inattentive and heedless for
all this time? Have I not felt the grandeur of His presence, although
He was so close to me?
I really felt the Grandeur of Allaah The Exalted at that moment. How
could one overlook and fail to notice such Grandeur? How can a human
being be that ungrateful to his Lord? His Creator bestows upon him so
many blessings and grants him sustenance, in spite of man's continuous
misdeeds and sins, while the human neglects to be grateful, and praise
and pray to Him. In fact, Allaah The Exalted does not deprive the
sinners of sustenance and blessings because of their sins.
Moreover, Allaah The Exalted increases one's sustenance, while this
ungrateful creature increases his sins! How strange this is! Allaah
The Exalted asks His slaves to repent to Him, promising to Pardon all
their misdeeds, and replace them with good deeds, yet man would not
settle for that great deal! How is it that one refuses such a golden
opportunity? How can he say no to such a proposal? Does this creature
not know that he would die one day? Does he not remember that death is
his inescapable fate? How many years could he possibly live? Seventy,
eighty, even one hundred years; and then what? Indeed, he would die
and be buried beneath the ground ]in the dust[. Who would keep company
with him in the darkness of his grave? Who would reassure him and
relieve his worry and fear then? Who would be there for him? Who would
shield him against the punishment in the grave? Where will be his
formative actors and singers then? Where will be his friends with whom
he spent his good times in this life? Where will be his family who has
neglected him? Who would be with him on that day?
I heard the call for the Fajr Prayer; I performed the payer and sat
down to recite the Noble Quran for the first time after the last month
of Ramadan or the one before it! I kept reciting the verses of the
Noble Quran until sunrise of shortly after; and then, I went to bed.
My heart was filled with bliss and tranquility; I was happy and calm
as I wiped away my tears as if I was wiping away my sins. I felt that
my sins were washed with my tears; those tears were washing my heart
from all the stains, relieving my worries and fear. By Allaah, I have
never felt this way before; it was a unique bliss that I have never
experienced before in my entire life. I kept repeating the verse that
reads )what means(:}Those who have believed and whose hearts are
assured by the Remembrance of Allaah.
Unquestionably, by the Remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured.{]Quran 13:28[
At last, I closed my eyes, and fell into a deep sleep. I slept like a
baby and relished the sweetness of deep sleep for the first time in my
life; as if I had not slept for the past nineteen years of my life!

Soul Purification, - Justification is the Excuse of the Weak

Who among us does not make mistakes? Who among us can dare claim that
he is infallible? Every human is expected to make mistakes, and this
is not in itself a defect, for the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, said:"All the sons of Aadam constantly commit sins, but the
best of those who constantly commit sins are those who are constantly
repentant."]Ibn Maajah[ The real defect lies in insisting on making
the mistake and adhering to falsehood. The mistake becomes even graver
when its doer endeavors to justify it in order to make himself and
those around him believe that he did not make a mistake at all.
The Definition of Justification
Justification, in the false sense, is the process of fabricating
excuses for one's behavior, thoughts or views, in order to replace the
real motives and reasons. It is the process of concealing the reality
and truth with a justification that one would accept and approve of,
without any reaction or feeling any guilt.
The Evil End of Justification
Justification is an incurable disease that leads to a tragic end,
which results in bitter consequences for the doer, as his continuous
justification distracts him from correcting himself and reflecting on
his defects. Accordingly, he always thinks that he is doing well. If a
slave of Allaah The Almighty reaches this state, it becomes difficult
to reform him and he loses his self-harmony because he is living in a
state of internal psychological warfare in which he is both the
executioner and the victim. The one who suffers from this disease is a
curse on himself and others, as he is extreme in enmity and frequently
argues with others. At this point, he is the most detested of
creatures in the sight of Allaah The Almighty. In this respect the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"The most hated person in
the sight of Allaah is the extremely quarrelsome person."]Al-Bukhaari[
The Quran Vilifies such People
Such people have existed throughout history. The Quran relates to us
the stories of some of them; for instance, Allaah The Almighty Says
)what means(;}And among them is he who says: "Permit me ]to remain at
home[ and do not put me to Fitnah." Unquestionably, into Fitnah they
have fallen. And indeed, Hell will encompass the disbelievers.{]Quran
9:49[ Commenting on this verse, Al-Qurtubi, may Allaah have mercy upon
him, said,
Muhammad ibn Is'haaq, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: "The
Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said to Al-Jadd
ibn Qays, when he wanted to set out for the Battle of Tabook:"O Jadd,
would you like to fight the yellow people ]the Romans[, so that you
could take female captives and servants from them?" Al-Jadd replied,
"My people know that I am besotted by women, and I fear that if I see
the women of the yellow people, I would fall into Fitnah. So, do not
put me in Fitnah but permit me to remain behind, and I will support
you with my money."Thereupon, the Messenger of Allaah turned away from
him, and said:"I permit you."Just look at this man, who, when knowing
the hardship of traveling to Tabook and the difficulty of confronting
and fighting the Romans, wanted to justify his situation and protect
himself! He therefore invented a fabricated excuse which was his
infatuation by women and his fear that he may be tempted upon seeing
them and would then be forced to leave the Muslim army because he
would not have the self-restraint to keep himself from them.
Shaykh-ul-Islam Ahmad ibn Taymiyyah, may Allaah have mercy upon him,
commented on this incident, saying, "Since enjoining good, forbidding
evil, and Jihaad are some of the tests and trials that subject a
person to Fitnah, some people began justifying their abandonment of
these obligations by seeking safety from Fitnah. Allaah The Almighty
Says )what means( with regard to the hypocrites:}And among them is he
who says: "Permit me ]to remain at home[ and do not put me to Fitnah."
Unquestionably, into Fitnah they have fallen. And indeed, Hell will
encompass the disbelievers.{]Quran 9:49["
Similarly, another group of people justified their abandonment of
Jihaad by saying that they could not set out for Jihaad in the heat.
Therefore, Allaah The Almighty Says about them )what means(:}And
]they[ said: "Do not go forth in the heat." Say: "The fire of Hell is
more intensive in heat" - if they would but understand.{]Quran 9:81[
Sayyid Qutb, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said in this regard, "It
is therefore either fighting in the cause of Allaah in the heat for a
limited period, or being cast into Hell for a duration that no one
knows the length of but Allaah."
Does a Believer Justify Himself?
In the previous examples there were some cases which might not be
stated by those who form the cream of Muslim society. However, reality
proves that even some truthful believers might be afflicted by
justification, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And We have
certainly diversified in this Quran for the people from every ]kind
of[ example; but man has ever been, most of anything, ]prone to[
dispute.{]Quran 18:54[ Some scholars of Tafseer )Quranic exegesis(
commented on this verse by mentioning what was narrated in Saheeh
Muslim, that 'Ali ibn Abi Taalib, may Allaah be pleased with him,
narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
came one night to him and his wife Faatimah and said:"Do you not
observe ]late-night Tahajjud[ prayer?"'Ali, may Allaah be pleased with
him, replied, "O Messenger of Allaah, indeed our souls are in the
Hands of Allaah and when He wants to awaken us, He does so." The
Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, set off when he
said this to him. He was slapping his hand on his thigh while going
while saying )what means(:}but man has ever been, most of anything,
]prone to[ dispute{.Ibn 'Aashoor, may Allaah have mercy upon him,
said,
What the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, meant here was that
it would have been more appropriate for 'Ali, may Allaah be pleased
with him, to praise Allaah The Almighty and thank the Messenger of
Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, for waking him up to pray
Tahajjud, be keen on repeating this act, be pleased with the rebuke of
the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and not counter these
words with others in order to justify his sleeping! This is the cause
of the Prophet's astonishment at the words of 'Ali, may Allaah be
pleased with him.
Some Causes of Justification
The main obstacle in justification is the absence of frankness with
one's self, as we fail to talk to ourselves about our own reality.
This is because, from a very early age, we were taught to elevate
ourselves to high moral levels and sublime traits that are often
difficult to attain. Therefore, we try to conceal our reality in a
framework of lies about oneself that were set by the methods of our
early upbringing. ]Qiraa'ah fi mushkilaat at-tufoolah[
Justification might also be due to arrogance that has affected the
heart, and this results in making it difficult to apologize or
appearing to be in a state of weakness according to the thoughts of
such an arrogant person. Love and inclination to this worldly life is
another cause of justification, and perhaps this reason specifically
is what leads many people to do what Allaah The Almighty has
prohibited, and people then justify their actions with false excuses.
For instance, the person who consumes Riba )interest(, claims that he
is compelled to do so; however, if one looks at his case, he would not
find him compelled at all. He might not even be in any kind of a need.
There are many similar violations of the Sharee'ah nowadays, and those
who commit such violations try to justify them.
Is There Treatment?
Undoubtedly, truthfulness with one's self is the clear and easy way in
order not to indulge in the confusion that comes about due to
justification. Reckoning one's self for negligence and acknowledging
its mistakes protects it from a foul final stage of life and leads us
to not accumulate our mistakes. In fact, being truthful with one's
self is one of the highest and hardest degrees of truthfulness.
Let us contemplate the story of the great Companion, Ka'b ibn Maalik,
may Allaah be pleased with him, when Allaah The Almighty saved him by
virtue of his truthfulness. He sat before the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, if I had been in
front of anyone other than you of the people of the worldly life, I
would have thought of an excuse to avoid his dissatisfaction. But by
Allaah, I had no excuse." Consequently, Allaah The Almighty accepted
his repentance, excused him and turned to him. On the other hand,
those who lie and invent weak and false excuses, are exposed by Allaah
The Almighty.
One of the most important means of treatment is the reading of the
biographies of the people who fell into this malady. When
justification dominated the Children of Israa'eel, they used trickery
and various methods to violate the ruling of Allaah The Almighty and
caught fish on the Sabbath. Consequently, Allaah The Almighty
transformed them into apes and pigs. Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}And you had already known about those who transgressed among
you concerning the Sabbath, and We said to them: "Be apes,
despised."{]Quran 2:65[ When one contemplates this punishment for the
one who dares to violate the limits that Allaah The Almighty has set,
undoubtedly, he will think many times before doing such an act when
knowing its evil end.
We supplicate to Allaah The Almighty to guide us to the best manners
and to ward off from us the worst of manners, as He is the most
Gracious and Noble.

Soul Purification, - Practical Steps to Help Lower the Gaze

Here are some practical steps to control your gaze:
1- First, let us agree upon an issue that greatly affects the way you
control your gaze, namely, the issue of the relativity of beauty.
The criteria of beauty vary from one person to another and from one
sensibility to another. For example, you may like certain clothes and
consider them the most attractive. On the other hand, other people may
see these clothes as not beautiful enough, or even ugly.
Hence, what you see as beautiful may not be so in others' eyes; or
rather, it may not be beautiful at all.
Let me give you an example to make this issue clearer; the drug addict
believes that drugs are the best thing in this world. However, you
know the reality of drugs and thus it is impossible for you to say
that drugs may be good just because there are some people who believe
that they are so.
Hence, the prohibited scenes that you see and believe to be beautiful,
like many others, are not so in reality; what is the beauty in a woman
who angers Allaah The Exalted publicly and defies His Commandments
openly?
Where is the beauty in a scene that many other people have enjoyed
before you and many others will enjoy after you?
Where is the beauty in a woman who offers herself as a tradable
commodity through showing her beauty to entice buyers?
What beauty is this when, in reality, it is the work of the devil?
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, described the woman who
leaves her house while applying perfume and showing her adornment
saying:"The woman is 'Awrah )part of the body that must be concealed(.
Whenever she leaves her home, the Devil beautifies her in men's
eyes."]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
Is the woman who is beautified by Satan himself in your eyes and the
eyes of many other men considered beautiful, no matter what the
reality of her appearance may be?
You should know the reality of what you see in order to disdain it and
dissuade yourself from looking at it.
2- Controlling the eye and its movement:
Some people – particularly those who are not habituated to lowering
their gaze – let their eyes lead them instead of leading their eyes.
Such people let their eyes wander all over without any form of
control. However, you can solve this problem by training yourself to
look at a certain place for a period of time and gradually lengthening
the duration until you reach the level of controlling your eyes and
preventing them from looking at anything without necessity.
3- If you lose control over your gaze once, then follow this look
immediately with an act of worship such as asking Allaah The Almighty
for forgiveness one hundred times or making Tasbeeh )saying
"Subhaan-Allaah"( one hundred times, or offering charity. This method
is one of most successful therapies, because you defy the devil
through it and make him regret making you commit that sin, as you
follow it up with repentance and additional good deeds.
4- Penalize yourself by some beneficial action that has a positive
outcome if you lose control over your gaze once. For example, give a
certain sum in charity, preferably a substantial amount, to serve as
sufficient deterrent.
5- Determine a target for yourself and pledge to achieve it. For
example, try to lower your gaze for two days or one week. If you
achieve this purpose, then reward yourself with something pleasant
even if it is something small. You can eat one of your favorite meals
for instance. After that, double this period and double the reward.
6- Always tell yourself that you have a dignified soul and it does not
befit you to pay attention to these lowly matters, as honorable souls
only accept the best things that lead to the best results. On the
other hand, the lowly souls hover about lowly things and land over
them like flies which gather around rubbish. Hence, the honorable soul
does not accept injustice, immorality, theft or treachery, because it
is too sublime to do this. ]Ibn Al-Qayyim in Al-Fawaa'id[
Furthermore, giving full rein to one's gaze is not among the
characteristics of magnanimous men.
The pre-Islamic poet, 'Antarah Al-'Absi, said in one of his poems that
he lowers his gaze if his female neighbor appears, until she enters
her house. If this was the attitude of a poet in pre-Islamic times,
then young Muslim men have even greater reason to do the same.
To conclude, let us go over the following anecdote that happened to
one of my friends. We will see how his realization of the triviality
of this issue in addition to his self-respect, after the support of
Allaah The Almighty, caused him to control his gaze.
Shortly after becoming more committed to his religion, my friend went
with his father to Britain.
We kept warning him strongly against the West, and we asked Allaah The
Almighty to support him in the face of the temptations there. In our
opinion, this young man was about to go through a very difficult test,
especially as he was an adolescent.
Indeed, my friend was accompanied on his travels by his brothers'
sincere supplications and great concern about his religiousness. When
he arrived in Britain, he was extremely scared, because he found
himself face to face with sights he was not used to and he feared that
his feet might slip and forsake chastity.
However, he conducted the following interesting dialogue with himself:
Do you want to look at some flesh? Ok then, let us go to the butcher
and buy some meat to look at! The result is the same in both cases,
and their fate is similar: both of them end in nothing.
Indeed, my friend found that this inner-dialogue was very effective
and whenever he thought about looking at the women who expose their
adornment, he repeated the same dialogue.
Thanks to Allaah The Almighty, he returned home with his chastity and
piety intact.
Hence, you should think about the petty nature of the sin and realize
that it does not deserve the consequent suffering.
7- Seek the help of Allaah The Almighty, supplicate as much as you
can, and ask Allaah The Almighty to provide you with adherence to
chastity and to protect your eyes from looking at what is prohibited.
Do not ever feel ashamed of asking Allaah The Almighty to help you
control your gaze.

Dought & clear, - The Reason Why Mankind Was Created.

Why was mankind created?
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
One of the greatest attributes of Allaah is wisdom, and one of His
greatest names is al-Hakeem (the most Wise). It should be noted that
He has not created anything in vain; exalted be Allaah far above such
a thing. Rather He creates things for great and wise reasons, and for
sublime purposes. Those who know them know them and those who do not
know them do not know them. Allaah has stated that in His Holy Book,
where He says that He has not created mankind in vain, and He has not
created the heavens and the earth in vain. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Did you think that We had created you in play (without any purpose),
and that you would not be brought back to Us?"
So Exalted be Allaah, the True King: Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has
the right to be worshipped but He), the Lord of the Supreme Throne!"
[al-Mu'minoon 23:115, 116]
"We created not the heavens and the earth and all that is between them
for a (mere) play"
[al-Anbiya' 21:16]
"And We created not the heavens and the earth, and all that is between
them, for mere play.
We created them not except with truth (i.e. to examine and test those
who are obedient and those who are disobedient and then reward the
obedient ones and punish the disobedient ones), but most of them know
not"
[al-Dukhaan 44:38]
"HaaMeem.
[These letters are one of the miracles of the Qur'aan, and none but
Allaah (Alone) knows their meanings.]
The revelation of the Book (this Qur'aan) is from Allaah, the
AllMighty, the AllWise.
We created not the heavens and the earth and all that is between them
except with truth, and for an appointed term. But those who
disbelieve, turn away from that whereof they are warned"
[al-Ahqaaf 46:1-3]
Just as it is proven that there is wisdom behind the creation of man
from the standpoint of sharee'ah (Islamic law), it is also proven from
the standpoint of reason. The wise man cannot but accept that things
have been created for a reason, and the wise man regards himself as
being above doing things in his own life for no reason, so how about
Allaah, the Wisest of the wise?
Hence the wise believers affirm that there is wisdom in Allaah's
creation, and the disbelievers deny that. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the
alternation of night and day, there are indeed signs for men of
understanding.
Those who remember Allaah (always, and in prayers) standing, sitting,
and lying down on their sides, and think deeply about the creation of
the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created
(all) this without purpose, glory to You! (Exalted are You above all
that they associate with You as partners). Give us salvation from the
torment of the Fire"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:190, 191]
And Allaah says, describing the attitude of the disbelievers towards
the wisdom of His creation (interpretation of the meaning):
"And We created not the heaven and the earth and all that is between
them without purpose! That is the consideration of those who
disbelieve! Then woe to those who disbelieve (in Islamic Monotheism)
from the Fire!"
[Saad 38:27]
Shaykh 'Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah tells us of His perfect wisdom in creating the heavens and the
earth, and that He has not created them in vain, i.e., in play with no
beneficial purpose.
"That is the consideration of those who disbelieve" in their Lord,
because they think that which does not befit His Majesty.
"Then woe to those who disbelieve (in Islamic Monotheism) from the
Fire!" Allaah created the heavens and earth in truth for truth. He
created them so that His slaves might understand the completeness of
His Knowledge and Power and the extent of His Might, and that He Alone
is the One to be worshipped, and not those who have not created even
an atom in the heavens or on earth. And that they might know that the
Resurrection is true and that Allaah will judge between the people of
good and evil. The one who is ignorant of the wisdom of Allaah should
not think that Allaah will treat them equally when judging them. Hence
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Shall We treat those who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah Islamic
Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds as Mufsidoon (those who
associate partners in worship with Allaah and commit crimes) on earth?
Or shall We treat the Muttaqoon (the pious) as the Fujjaar (criminals,
disbelievers, the wicked)?"
[Saad 38:28]
This does not befit Our wisdom and Our judgement. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa'di, p. 712
Secondly:
Allaah has not created man to eat, drink and multiply, in which case
he would be like the animals. Allaah has honoured man and favoured him
far above many of those whom He has created, but many people insist on
disbelief, so they are ignorant of or deny the true wisdom behind
their creation, and all they care about is enjoying the pleasures of
this world. The life of such people is like that of animals, and
indeed they are even more astray. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"while those who disbelieve enjoy themselves and eat as cattle eat;
and the Fire will be their abode"
[Muhammad 47:12]
"Leave them to eat and enjoy, and let them be preoccupied with
(false) hope. They will come to know!"
[al-Hijr 15:3]
"And surely, We have created many of the jinn and mankind for Hell.
They have hearts wherewith they understand not, and they have eyes
wherewith they see not, and they have ears wherewith they hear not
(the truth). They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They
are the heedless ones"
[al-A'raaf 7:179]
It is well known to wise people that the one who does a thing knows
more about the wisdom behind it than anyone else and for Allaah is the
highest description (cf. al-Nahl 16:60); He is the One Who has created
mankind and He knows best the wisdom behind the creation of mankind.
No one would dispute this with regard to worldly matters. All people
are certain that their physical faculties have been created for a
reason. The eye is for seeing, the ear is for hearing, and so on. Does
it make sense for his physical faculties to have been created for a
reason but for himself to have been created in vain? Or does he not
agree to respond to the One Who created him when He tells him of the
reason behind his creation?
Allaah has told us that the creation of the heavens and the earth, and
of life and death, is for the purpose of testing, so as to test man.
Whoever obeys Him, He will reward him, and whoever disobeys Him, He
will punish him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And He it is Who has created the heavens and the earth in six Days
and His Throne was on the water, that He might try you, which of you
is the best in deeds. But if you were to say to them: "You shall
indeed be raised up after death," those who disbelieve would be sure
to say, "This is nothing but obvious magic"
[Hood 11:7]
"Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is
best in deed. And He is the AllMighty, the OftForgiving"
[al-Mulk 67:2]
From this test results a manifestation of the names and attributes of
Allaah, such as Allaah's names al-Rahmaan (the Most Gracious),
al-Ghafoor (the Oft Forgiving), al-Hakeem (the Most Wise), al-Tawwaab
(the Accepter of Repentance), al-Raheem (the Most Merciful), and other
names of Allaah.
One of the greatest reasons for which Allaah has created mankind –
which is one of the greatest tests – is the command to affirm His
Oneness (Tawheed) and to worship Him alone with no partner or
associate. Allaah has stated this reason for the creation of mankind,
as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And I (Allaah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they
should worship Me (Alone)"
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:56]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
i.e., I have created them so that I may command them to worship Me,
not because I have any need of them. 'Ali ibn Abi Talhah said,
narrating from Ibn 'Abbaas: "except that they should worship Me
(alone)" willingly or unwillingly. This is the view favoured by Ibn
Jareer. Ibn Jurayj said: i.e., except that they should know Me.
Al-Rabee' ibn Anas said: "Except that they should worship Me", i.e.,
for the purpose of worship. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/239
Shaykh 'Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Allaah, may He be exalted, created mankind to worship Him and to know
Him by His names and attributes, and to enjoin that upon them. Whoever
submits to Him and does what is enjoined upon him will be one of those
who are successful, but whoever turns away from that, they are the
losers. He will inevitably gather them together in the Hereafter where
He will reward or punish them for what He commanded and forbade them
to do. Hence Allaah mentions how the mushrikeen (polytheists) denied
the reward or punishment, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if you were to say to them: 'You shall indeed be raised up after
death,' those who disbelieve would be sure to say, 'This is nothing
but obvious magic'"
[Hood 11:7]
i.e., if you were to speak to these people and tell them about the
Resurrection after death, they would not believe you, rather they
would reject your words vehemently and deny the message you brought,
and they would say, 'This is nothing but obvious magic,' but in fact
it is obvious truth. Tafseer al-Sa'di, p. 333
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear, - Beware of the Whispers of the Shaytan about Allah.

For two weeks this question has been haunting me and I cannot find an
answer to it, but in sha Allah you will have the answer:
What is the evidence that Allah does not lie, or what is the evidence
that He always tells the truth, and why will He never lie?
I know that this is a strange question, and I felt too embarrassed to
ask anyone about it for a while, but I looked for an answer and I feel
a kind of anxiety even when praying.
Praise be to Allah
By Allah, we do not know which of your two issues we find stranger,
that you have gone along with the whispers of the shaytan (devil) to
such an extent that brought you to the brink of the abyss and nearly
made you fall in, or that you find this question difficult and are not
able to find an answer to it.
What do you know of your religion, if you do not know this?
What do you think of your Lord, if you are asking about this?
When her freed slave asked her: O my mother, did Muhammad (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) see his Lord? 'Aishah, the Mother of
the Believers, (may Allah be pleased with her) said: My hair stood on
end at what you said.
If the hair of the Mother of the Believers stood on end because of
alarm for the one who asked her this question: Did Muhammad (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) see his Lord, i.e., in this world -
although the believers will see Him in Paradise and that will be the
greatest of their joys (may Allah not deprive us of it) - then how
should one react to your question?
Have you left your heart empty to such an extent that the shaytan can
toy with it and cause it to end up like this?
Have you heard of the report narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh from
Jabir who said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, I saw in a dream as
if my head was cut off. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) smiled and said: If the shaytaan toys with one of you in his
sleep, he should not tell the people about it."
If a dream such as this is regarded as the shaytan toying with a
person, then what would the Prophet's (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) response be to one who saw what you have seen in a dream?
What would he say if the shaytan toyed with him when he was awake, and
not in a dream?
It is natural that you should feel ashamed and you should weep for
yourself if the shaytan has gained so much power over you.
Yes, we understand that the shaytan may toy with a person in such
ways, but he should not go along with the ideas instilled by the
shaytan and try to discuss it and look for evidence for it. Rather his
deeply rooted faith should protect him, for the shaytan is evil and
his plot is weak:
"... ever feeble indeed is the plot of shaytan (Satan)." [4:76].
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)
said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: "The shaytan comes to some of you and says, 'Who created
such and such? Who created such and such?' - until he says, 'Who
created your Lord?' If that happens, then let him seek refuge with
Allah and stop thinking about that."
What do you think the Prophet's (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) answer would be to this "difficult" question posed by the
accursed enemy?
One should seek refuge with Allah from this waswas (insinuating
whisper), and stop thinking about it or getting carried away with it,
because the accursed one does not need an answer to this question. He
knows that his question is pure fallacy, for it is not befitting that
the Creator should have a creator, otherwise He would be another
created being.
Rather his aim is to stir up doubts until he gains control over one
who dies in such a state, if he can. Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah
have mercy on him) said in his commentary on the hadeeth (report)
quoted above:
"'Who created your Lord?' If that happens, then let him seek refuge
with Allah and stop thinking about that" i.e., let him stop getting
carried away with that, and turn to Allah in warding it off; he should
realize that he (shaytan) wants to corrupt his religious commitment
and his reasoning with these whispers, so he should strive to ward
them off by thinking of something else.
Al-Khattabi said: The point of this hadeeth is that if the shaytan
whispers such thoughts, one should seek refuge with Allah from him and
stop debating with the shaytan about it, then this waswas will
diminish. There is no end to the shaytan's whispers, rather every time
proof is produced to silence him, he moves on to something else until
he finally makes one confused. We seek refuge with Allah from that. ...
But his saying 'Who created your Lord?" is contradictory and is a
flawed argument, because it is impossible for the Creator to be
created.
Al-Teebi said: Rather he enjoined seeking refuge with Allah and
distracting oneself with something else; he did not tell us to ponder
and look for evidence, because the knowledge that Allah does not need
a creator is a basic fact that is not open to debate, and because
getting carried away in thinking about that will only make a person
more confused. If a person is in such a state, he has no option except
to turn to Allah and seek His protection.
The hadeeth also implies criticism of asking too much about that which
does not concern one and that which one has no need to ask about. It
is also one of the signs of Prophethood, namely his foretelling
something that was going to happen and then it happened. End quote.
As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) enjoined
putting an end to such whispers and not indulging in them, then the
believer, if he is overwhelmed by any such thing, and if the accursed
enemy instills such a thing in his heart, then he will regard this
waswas as something serious that has befallen him.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him)
said: Some of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) came and asked him: We find in ourselves something
that is too awful for any of us to speak of it. He said: "Do you
really find that?" They said: Yes. He said: "That is clear faith." [
Muslim]
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: What this means is: The
fact that you think of this waswas as something terrible is a clear
sign of faith, for if you dare not utter it and you are so afraid of
it and of speaking of it, let alone believing it, this is the sign of
one who has achieved perfect faith and who is free of doubt
O slave of Allah, the man of dignity who has some standing among
people would refrain from lying and would hate lies to be attributed
to him. The story of Abu Sufyan with Heraclius concerning this matter
is well known, so how about if this noble and dignified man is a
believer? For lying is incompatible with faith.
How about if one imagines the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) telling lies when he is the truthful one? This
is an idea that would make the skin crawl and the hair stand on end.
It seems most likely that there are two reasons why the shaytan has
gained control over you:
1- You have turned away from focusing on remembrance (dhikr) of the
Most Merciful, studying His verses and what it says in His Book of His
most beautiful names and sublime attributes, and acknowledging His
greatness, majesty, beauty and perfection that are mentioned in His
Book and in the sunnah (teachings) of His Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him).
2- Perhaps it is a punishment from Allah because of the first
reason, which is your keeping company with the devils among men, who
have been supported by the devils among the jinn and helped by them
against you.
Those companions were not necessarily friends of yours who come and go
with you, rather that may have been via the internet as idle curiosity
may have led you to go to some atheist and anti-religion chat rooms,
where one of them stated his specious argument and it settled in your
heart and led to the problem that you are now suffering. Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever turns away blindly from the remembrance of the Most
Gracious (Allah) (i.e. this Quran and worship of Allah), We appoint
for him shaytan (Satan - devil) to be a Qareen (a companion) to him.
And verily, they (Satans / devils) hinder them from the path (of
Allah), but they think that they are guided aright!
Till, when (such a one) comes to Us, he says [to his Qareen
(Satan/devil companion)] 'Would that between me and you were the
distance of the two easts (or the east and west) a worst (type of)
companion (indeed)!
It will profit you not this Day (O you who turn away from Allah's
remembrance and His worship) as you did wrong, (and) that you will be
sharers (you and your Qareen) in the punishment." [43:36]
Set your heart straight and turn to your Lord, and acknowledge Him as
He has told you in His Book. Turn to His Book and read it and ponder
it, and keep your tongue busy with remembrance of Him (dhikr), for
that will protect you:
"I command you to remember Allah, for the likeness of that is that of
a man whose enemy comes after him, until he comes to a strong fortress
where he protects himself from him. Similarly, a person cannot protect
himself against the shaytan except by remembering Allah." [Tirmidhi
and classed as saheeh/authentic by al-Albani.]
And Allah knows best.